we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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