hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
