3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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