I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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