a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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