i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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