do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
