she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
