Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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