he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
ttyl tear gas
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
