In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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