We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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