omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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