I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
