Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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