He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
