I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
