I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
