I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
