Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
