I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He better not be in your backpack
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
