i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
