i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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