All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
two words...techno handjob
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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