Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize