So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
