wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
