I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
