i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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