in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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