her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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