I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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