fuck your aforementioned shoe
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
