he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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