rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
