A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
