i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
