The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
