Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
