you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
