the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Couch. On fire.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
