Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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