were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
