I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
