I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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