It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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