he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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