I could make wine with my vomit
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
