Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.