I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now