Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
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Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles