Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!

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(516): I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up! http://tfl.nu/z9ns

Replies (45) Good night (4863) Bad night (881)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.

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(630): Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for? (1-630): Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun. http://tfl.nu/9dkv

Replies (17) Good night (4161) Bad night (799)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

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(757): Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well. http://tfl.nu/ul8d

Replies (12) Good night (5262) Bad night (1547)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.

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(413): I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say. http://tfl.nu/z11c

Replies (46) Good night (2069) Bad night (5438)
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(440): View more from Ohio

the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat

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(440): the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat http://tfl.nu/81cx

Replies (11) Good night (3108) Bad night (1429)
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(315): View more from New York

i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.

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(315): i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there. http://tfl.nu/6jl7

Replies (6) Good night (2713) Bad night (866)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.

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(770): Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer. http://tfl.nu/3cyq

Replies (3) Good night (2057) Bad night (690)
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(678): View more from Georgia

He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.

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(678): He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story. http://tfl.nu/lvz4

Replies (4) Good night (1276) Bad night (574)
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(914): View more from New York

I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.

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(914): I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go. http://tfl.nu/xxmp

Replies (2) Good night (1017) Bad night (484)
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(916): View more from California

The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.

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(916): The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino. http://tfl.nu/qmu0

Replies (5) Good night (1139) Bad night (695)
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(574): View more from Indiana

He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.

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(574): He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle. http://tfl.nu/u8g2

Replies (4) Good night (397) Bad night (1133)
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(817): View more from Texas

Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex

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(817): Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex http://tfl.nu/6b6a

Replies (3) Good night (1041) Bad night (385)
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(425): View more from Washington

Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET

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(425): Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET http://tfl.nu/8n1t

Replies (5) Good night (933) Bad night (495)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.

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(506): I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks. http://tfl.nu/uhzd

Replies (7) Good night (436) Bad night (737)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.

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(973): I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone. http://tfl.nu/3l6f

Replies (1) Good night (302) Bad night (442)

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