Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970

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(434): So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970 http://tfl.nu/x6yp

Replies (13) Good night (561) Bad night (3001)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?

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(803): already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever? http://tfl.nu/cbh0

Replies (28) Good night (4255) Bad night (818)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

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(440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait

Replies (25) Good night (23856) Bad night (1110)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

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(630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building. http://tfl.nu/xm6j

Replies (12) Good night (9464) Bad night (1492)
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(214): View more from Texas

decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

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(214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5

Replies (31) Good night (9557) Bad night (1039)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.

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(973): she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery. http://tfl.nu/316x

Replies (36) Good night (7425) Bad night (969)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.

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(802): Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there. http://tfl.nu/8qlt

Replies (8) Good night (3092) Bad night (985)
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(239): View more from Florida

gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.

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(239): gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me. http://tfl.nu/wt0v

Replies (9) Good night (1976) Bad night (3418)
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(434): View more from Virginia

we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.

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(434): we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino. http://tfl.nu/w9ni

Replies (3) Good night (2836) Bad night (1047)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.

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(908): You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/yznu

Replies (23) Good night (3720) Bad night (1142)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.

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(506): Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes. http://tfl.nu/7d2r

Replies (2) Good night (1804) Bad night (547)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot

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(336): I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot http://tfl.nu/utnt

Replies (6) Good night (1847) Bad night (571)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.

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(423): I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him. http://tfl.nu/x8vu

Replies (9) Good night (2250) Bad night (475)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.

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(605): Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat. http://tfl.nu/bfhd

Replies (6) Good night (664) Bad night (278)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.

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(202): me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends. http://tfl.nu/9hc6

Replies (0) Good night (528) Bad night (351)

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