you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.