chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
