i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
