also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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