If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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