I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
