Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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