why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
