I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
