is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
