Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
