you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
