My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My underwear smells like fireworks.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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