there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
