I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
