8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
