Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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