my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
operation have a gay friend backfired
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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