Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
