eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
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Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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