I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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