margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
