3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
