Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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