I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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