Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
