ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
