he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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