I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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