well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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