so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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